Lets Talk Marriage !!!

A happy marriage is like a beautiful garden. Neither one just happens it takes time work and a lot of effort, it takes paying attention to detail, a tender loving heart and understanding of oneself. In short a couple is required to work at it daily. As people we get comfortable, we can always find something more important to do, something pressing. I’m sure we all can remember when we were dating that giddy feeling we used to get, some people call it butterflies in the stomach. But for me it was never butterflies in the stomach, for me it was this feeling of complete utter happiness to just be around my husband.  I have heard some people I say that it is a mere fantasy to think that you can meet one person that will satisfy your needs as a man or woman for your whole adult life.

I disagree,  I believe that each of us has a soulmate created by the universe just for us, I also believe that many of us are either married  to this person at this point and time in our lives, our we have met them even if briefly, or we will meet that special person our inter- counterpart.

Having a degree in family counseling has allowed me to be up close and personal in a lot of couple’s lives.  But if were to think about it, we all know of couples that seem to truly love each other, you know that couple that you can’t see either with anyone else, they just seem to belong together, the couple that seem to have the right formula.  But then there are the other couples that we know, we all know one couple that from the outside looking in everything seems to be perfect, you know the couple that you would swear all the fairytales were written after, then you’ll hear that they broke up, or got a divorce, and even though it’s not you your heart will sink just a little, we immediately think if they couldn’t make it and they were so perfect what chance does my relationship have.

More people than not end up finding their soulmate that one special person, but because we are a nation of people that takes everything for granted, somehow they let each other slip away into the arms of another or they settle for a life of destitute, forever living single and alone.  What was the secret? I  wondered myself, so I decided to my own personal poll I needed to know why some marriages lasted 60 years, when others seem to be dead out of the water.  The most consistent answer that I received out of more than 100 people were almost identical the first thing they said was never stop building the friendship, for once the friendship’s is dead the marriage is pretty much over, the work that it takes to rebuild a friendship in that manner is more work than most people are willing to put in. The second most common answer I got was to never stop dating your spouse and I know we’ve all heard this and most men sorry guys take it with a grain of salt and some of us ladies do also. But if you can think back to when you were dating that’s how you knew you wanted to marry this person in the first place the conversation, the romance, just basic spending time together. Most of us truly think that once we get married that we can then focus on something else is like in our minds we go okay I got him or I got her so now I don’t need to work as hard. The funny thing about it is we are constantly changing and growing his people the people he started out as are never the person end up being. And if we do not find constant daily time to interact to come together on a spiritual, intellectual, or intimate level then we might to be one of those couples that wake up one morning and find that we have nothing in common anymore that we have consistently grown apart.

So let’s all make of foul today to make a conscious effort to your build our most important relationship outside of God to connect on levels daily. Now parents, yeah I’m talking to you and hold up I’m also talking to myself. When we have children the roles, divide in a way women become very nurturing caretakers and men become very diligent providers, the love for their offspring drive them both. As women and I speak for myself also we become wrapped up in making sure the children are taking care of the house work is done the laundry is folded, and dinner is cooked. In the midst of all of this we forget about two very important people would forget about our husbands and sometimes we forget about ourselves. As mothers we get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone we make sure that our mates have their lunch ,their dinner that their clothes are washed and folded and we  add any extra activities that we can fit into that domestic hat that we wear so often and so well.  But some of us forget that our husbands are visual creatures made to view the universe on a total different level than we as women. And when the universe made us as women it knew right away that we you would have to bear grace and faith on a whole different level.

So this is our exercise for the week, and I can hear you saying now exercise trust me this will be painless. For 15 minutes today and for the rest of the week you’re going to work on rebuilding the foundation of friendship you’re going to talk about funny little things you’ve heard, cook his favorite meal, you might even wear a favorite outfit,.

Our times are all limited in the days or full of something that we have to do but if we can incorporate little things to read join in rebuild the friendship before all this loss is worth the effort and the time.

1. Wash dishes together- This simple chore takes about 15 to 20 minutes but it’s not really about the dishes it’s about the time you will spend together talking, playing, being together, but all at the same time you’re getting the dishes done.
2. Exercise together - there’s nothing more motivating than exercising with someone that you love the encouragement and care is like no other this is the person you trust that you care about those elements along, not only makes exercising fun but is something that you can do together and increase your health’s longevity.
3. We live in a technology-based world, don’t get me wrong I live a on my phone my life is kind based in my calendar. As with anything there’s a good and a bad to everything what technology has done for us is taken away the simplicity of love. There’s no sweeter expression of love than a handwritten note or love letter this is something that will last throughout the ages. Computers die they get viruses you have to wipe the system.  Letters never die written words live forever.
4. Go on a nightly walk together - the fresh air in the great outdoors all very good conversational pieces so even if you’re at the point in your relationship where it’s hard to even find something to talk about this is one thing that will never fail, plus your spending time together.
5. Cook together - there’s nothing more passionate than preparing a meal together cooking is fun and most time you doing in a very close compact space there’s nothing wrong with a gentle touch here and there.
6. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself- it’s hard to live with someone and be friends with someone who can’t laugh at themselves every now and then.

These are just a few ideals there be more coming!   Let us all take the next six months and fall back in love with our spouse.