Unspoken Expectations!

 This year has been really hard on the whole family.  I have tried so hard to put everything out in the open so we as a family could start over.  I planned this family getaway so that we could reconnect and start healing.  I knew Al has been under a lot of stress lately, so I decided to surprise him by trying to involve him so that he felt important.  But for all my labor, all I got back from Al was mental shutdown and again being pushed away.  I was disappointed and hurt. 

I Looked up the word "expectation" in a dictionary and I find two definitions. The first is about expectations that signify my belief about what someone should do. I expect my children to clean their rooms once a week and not hit each other. I expect my partner to be reliable—pay the electric bill when he says he will—to be honest and faithful. In real life, such expectations are like ground rules that create the foundation for a relationship and are usually openly talked about.

But the other definition is the belief that something will happen in the future. I planned  to go on this vacation and have a good time, I work hard on my job and I pray someone see's and gives me  a promotion. This is whole defination is about the future,  and is usually all inside our heads, and can border on fantsy if we're not careful . 

The expected good-time vacation became a bust because of emotions and it sabotaged my plans. 

These are the expectations that have been undermining my relationship and is where I gets into trouble. I have an image of what I planned for and what I hoped would happen but unlike the cleaning of the rooms by my children, the paying of the electric bill, it goes unspoken. It’s made all the worse because my  expectation is part and parcel of a larger vision I had for our family —that this vacation, for example, will naturally lead to a romantic eveniings ending in reunited passion. that ths would be the best vacation ever.   This is not only all in my head, but the outcome is dependent on a future that I can’t control, and a person I can’t control, my husband.

The problem is that  such failed expectations has been accumulating  over time, leading to resentment that has undermine our whole relationship

Maybe next time I need to think differently like Clearly state my expectations. maybe vacarion on my own until we are more connected we live and learn.