When Your roommates your spouse

 
If you would have asked me 15 years ago if I would be living in a sexless unforfilled marriage I would have laughed at you.... We use to have sex everywhere two or three times a day and it was amazing my husband was amazing.  I thought we had something special ... untill we didn't  There are many reasons we are here and to be honest we both have played a part in the failure of this part of our relationship ( here's my part).  I have always felt that I was never enough for anyone and my husband was added to the list a few years ago.  The devil has always played with that weak part of me  feeding into my  insercurites of just not being enough, not pretty enough, not small enough, not smart enough just never able to meet the standard of what I felt was already set .  To be honest being married and having my forever person  didn't help, in fact it made it worst


Below are the three main reason I felt I aided in the lost our deep connection:

1) The first thing I think was benign neglect. I begain to spend so much time and energy on everything else in my life that our broken relationship, took a back seat  and  the quality our togetherness, didn't feel good so it was easy to allow it to fall  to the bottom of my “to do” list. Without realizing it I started to take my husband and our marriage for granted.

2) The second, thing and a more prevalent reason has to do with the mismanagement of anger.  I was angry at always being second in my husbands llife and I understand that it is inevitable in a marriage or any close relationship in that matter to always be  or feel first. But the real problems started to develop when all the feelings of not being enough, of unheard fears turned and all of the angry feelings were allowed to pile up. Accumulated anger kills love and passion. My roommate marriage was being separated by a wall of anger that was so high we couldn't  reach over it and touch each another anymore.

3) Lost trust is the third and final reason, but a big one in my mind of why we moved to roommate status.  When the glue that binds two people together is no longer visiable you can feel like you have nothing left, I sure did. How do you come back from this how do you heal?  In this day and age most would say leave it, that once trust is broken you can't get it back.  I disagree but it will take alot of work and putting to use what we all use to hear in Sunday School forgive and forget. 

And yet, despite all that I have listed and like most couples the anger, neglect and trust issues  that not only my husband and I went through but most husbands and wives experience at some point or another.   Everyone in a sincere, long-term relationship who does not want to be just roommates can relate to how emphatically I long for the lost “in-love” passion of being true soulmates once again.   If your like me you might have a few questions like can roommates become soulmates and lovers again? Can couples Like my hsband and I regain lost passion and  fall back “in-love”?  I surly pray that there is hope that because of me and my husband being highly motivated and willing to look at ourselves honestly,that we can get through this journey better and stronger than we were before!


What do you guys think is there hope for us married roommates?



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