Embracing change!
Change is a part of growth. Everyone changes and your spouse is no different. There Comes a time when you get to a point where you no longer recognize who the person is that you are in a relationship with the person you love more than anything, this is where the problem lies.
You ask yourself how can someone change so dramatically to the point that you can't even recognize them. I'm not going to lie to you... out of left field it seemed like my husband became someone else someone I didn't recognize. Some invisible line got crossed and I started to feel like his enemy or a very disinterested associate rather than his cherished partner and his friend. I would like to think that this happened all of a sudden but in all honesty the fact is it has been building over time. Our busy lives blinded us, we're thinking everything is fine and then the next moment all hell is breaking loose. If you're like me you're wondering what to do next in retrospect I could really look back and pinpoint the exact moment when aliens started inhabitating my husband's body. What was my next move? Was this just a passing but forgettable stage? Or was something bigger going on? Was it time for me to pack my bags and my children and leave? Or was it time to dig in deep and do something that I hadn't done in a long time, put in some work. The truth is there's no fast rules except from pay attention I had to step back and I had to pay attention. I had to hold on to my faith I had to seek Good Counsel, and I had to trust my gut. What things had fell apart? What had I missed? I couldn't make an emotional judgment. I had to take inventory on what was good , what we had and what we didn't. I soon realized that neither of us had effective communication skills, so thus far neither of us were really being heard by the other.
So here's a hint when communication is at it's best, everyone can share their different points of views and no one leaves feeling let down.... Oh but when its bad its bad. No one is concerned about the other persons point or well being, only about their own preferences. Once I understood that there was no perfect person or relationships, only two broken people trying to be whole. Remember I said you couldn't be emotional at this point! I had to be honest with myself, and realize that I couldn't change my husband only my perception and my response. . I could seek God's wisdom, I could pray, not for God to change my husband but for him to change me. I had to remember that God is forever working on my resume. The way he is working on me is not the same way he is working on my husbands and that is ok. Unfortunately for a broken soul like mine trust doesn't come easy so I have to trust that my father King of the Universe wants nothing but the best for me., that includes a great marriage, and a loving partner.
You ask yourself how can someone change so dramatically to the point that you can't even recognize them. I'm not going to lie to you... out of left field it seemed like my husband became someone else someone I didn't recognize. Some invisible line got crossed and I started to feel like his enemy or a very disinterested associate rather than his cherished partner and his friend. I would like to think that this happened all of a sudden but in all honesty the fact is it has been building over time. Our busy lives blinded us, we're thinking everything is fine and then the next moment all hell is breaking loose. If you're like me you're wondering what to do next in retrospect I could really look back and pinpoint the exact moment when aliens started inhabitating my husband's body. What was my next move? Was this just a passing but forgettable stage? Or was something bigger going on? Was it time for me to pack my bags and my children and leave? Or was it time to dig in deep and do something that I hadn't done in a long time, put in some work. The truth is there's no fast rules except from pay attention I had to step back and I had to pay attention. I had to hold on to my faith I had to seek Good Counsel, and I had to trust my gut. What things had fell apart? What had I missed? I couldn't make an emotional judgment. I had to take inventory on what was good , what we had and what we didn't. I soon realized that neither of us had effective communication skills, so thus far neither of us were really being heard by the other.
So here's a hint when communication is at it's best, everyone can share their different points of views and no one leaves feeling let down.... Oh but when its bad its bad. No one is concerned about the other persons point or well being, only about their own preferences. Once I understood that there was no perfect person or relationships, only two broken people trying to be whole. Remember I said you couldn't be emotional at this point! I had to be honest with myself, and realize that I couldn't change my husband only my perception and my response. . I could seek God's wisdom, I could pray, not for God to change my husband but for him to change me. I had to remember that God is forever working on my resume. The way he is working on me is not the same way he is working on my husbands and that is ok. Unfortunately for a broken soul like mine trust doesn't come easy so I have to trust that my father King of the Universe wants nothing but the best for me., that includes a great marriage, and a loving partner.
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