Marriage Lessson 1

As a counselor by profession I want to use my blog for things that are close to my heart, I want it to be a place that offers help and information.  Most that follow me know that homeschooling is at the top of that list but in all honesty so is having healthy, happy relationships.  Weekly I am going to try to share a new aspect of relationship building so that you can have it if you want!  My prayer is that it might bless you or someone!

Lesson 1:

God Must Be Involved in Your Marriage

For a marriage to be happy and successful for life, the husband and wife must include God as a partner in their marriage. They must acknowledge God as Supreme in their lives and together yield to what God instructs in the Bible about marriage. The marriage will fail if it is based on self-gratification and pleasure.
Is God really involved in marriage?
Malachi 2:14
Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
Mark 10:7-9
"'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
Marriage is a covenant that includes God! Many marriage ceremonies include words such as, "Do you faithfully promise and covenant with God, in the presence of these witnesses to take..." If we covenant with God, then this makes marriage on a far higher plane than simply agreeing to live together legally as husband and wife. It means we willingly submit to the role God must play in the marriage. We will live by His rules.
What's the purpose of marriage?
Ephesians 5:31-33
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5 reveals how marriage is a type of the incredible love relationship between Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church. No love could be greater! The Bible is the ultimate love story when understood in its overall concept and purpose.
What is true love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...
Love isn't just a feeling of passionate desire for your lover and the unbearable thought of being apart. True love is based on outgoing concern for your partner. It's about self-sacrifice for the good of the one you love.
In every marriage, things go wrong. What if the problem is not my fault?
Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
Philippians 2:3-5
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus...
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
1 Thessalonians 5:15
See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.
Over time, seemingly insignificant irritations can get blown out of proportion, and before long, couples say or do things that are offensive to each other. The result? Arguments, conflict and, all too often, shouting matches.
It is often very difficult to see our own faults. We're always right in our own eyes, so we naturally place the blame on our partner. This mind-set started way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:12-13).
But even if it really is not our fault, loudly insisting the other person take all the blame is not helpful. The optimal solution instead involves seeking peace, not revenge (Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:17-21). It involves seeking win-win strategies. The Bible shows that sometimes our good actions can, over time, win over our mate (1 Peter 3:1).
Ideally, both partners will eventually work together to solve their problems. Well-known marriage counselor H. Norman Wright offers the following advice: "Some negative ways of dealing with conflict are withdrawing, winning, yielding, and compromising. The ideal way of dealing with conflict is by resolving the conflict. It may take longer, but the relationship is then strengthened and needs are met on both sides" (So You're Getting Married, 1985, p. 199).
What should we say to help heal our relationships?
Psalm 51:1, 10 (New Living Translation)
Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins...
Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.
Ephesians 4:32
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...
Titus 2:4 (New Living Translation)
These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.
When we sin, first we must repent and become right with God. Then we can seek His help in restoring the relationship.
In every marriage relationship, there are several phrases that can help heal the damage that has been done due to conflicts and arguments. Three key phrases are listed below.
1. "I'm sorry." Use this one often, and mean it! Tell your spouse you're sorry for saying or doing the thing that has upset him or her. Whether you were right or wrong, it doesn't matter; your actions have had a negative impact on the spouse you love, and you should apologize for that.
2. "I forgive you." Jesus Christ died to forgive us of our sins. His great sacrifice should motivate us to be willing to forgive others.
3. "I love you." When said sincerely, this declaration cannot be overused. We need to know we are loved by the person we love. This short, sincere phrase, backed by loving actions, can put to rest all of our negative feelings, hurts, resentments and faults and can melt the heart of the one hearing these three beautiful words.


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