So my loved one is an addit!

No one plans on their loved one becoming an addict?  It just happens somehow, somewhere out of the blue for some and by genetic default for others. Even though we can understand that our loved one who have become addicts are struggling with issues that they can't handle alone, but the human side of us still have the whys, whens, and hows that invade our thoughts and sway our emotions to deal with.  The constant questions of why can't they just stop using.  When is enough going to be enough? How could they do this if they loved us? Addiction comes with many faces it could present as prescription drugs, street drugs,  or alcohol and in many cases all the above.
The Problem is as they struggle so do their loved ones, spouses, children, parents, and even friends.
It is so important for those who love someone who  is struggling with drug abuse here are some signs to watch for : 

  • Does the person in question sleep more or have irregular sleeping hours (not due to change in job, medication, or life change)
  • Finding valuables are missing and that money is being misplaced 
  • Stealing
  • Lying about substance abuse or how they are using
  • Becoming angry, sad or lashing out when questioned about their abuse, or change in habits.
  • Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when unable to use
  • Change of personality, people act differently when under the influence.  
 Know that addiction is not a choice that your loved one can control.
 Because we love them our first thought is to force them into getting help.  Remember we can't force them to do anything. Even if they agree due to wanting to please their spouse, children, or parents this too might fail.
Freewill play's a major role but so does the fact that substance abuse is a compulsive disorder that many are unable to stop without wanting to and without help. When someone is hooked on a substance the risk/reward center in their brain has been rewired with repeated reinforcement of a substance that has been abused changing our loved one's chemical levels.
Blaming them or ourselves will only create a false sense of relief.
Protecting them will only end with you hurting them and yourself more.

What s next

1. Setting realistic expectations
2. Seeking help for your self
3. Believing that this is not your fault4.
4. Learning about codependency and breaking co-dependent relationships 
5. Knowing when it's time to move on / leave

Helping a child understand addiction

Any child living in a home where there is parental substance abuse can be very difficult, unpredictable, confusing and life-changing for the child.  Most will even believe that the alcohol or drug abuse is because of them and that it ia their fault.
Many children start to feel guilty and shame because they have to keep their family secrets.  To help them try the following.

* Tell them that addiction is a disease
* Tell them that it is not their fault
* Tell them they are not alone
* Teach them the seven C's
They didn't Cause it
They can't Cure it
They Can't Control it
That they are allowed to Care for themselves, by communicating their feelings, by making healthy Choices and that they are allowed to Celebrate themselves

We must teach our children where the substance abuse is parental  that it is ok to feel scared, lonely, and many times isolated from their friends, and other family members.


Whether your a spouse, parent , or friend of someone dealing with substance abuse finding someone to talk to is a very important step in your recovery.







Find a support group near you in the form of Al-anon meetings   /  AA  meetings  /  Alateen





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pushing for the best!!

Image
Because I have always felt the universe has dealt me a hand that has been too hard to carry at times. I made myself a promise that my children would feel what I never have loved and cared for.    Every parent I know wants what’s best for their children. But our idea of what is best for them might not always jibe with their ideal’s.   I am often in a battle with myself over gentle nudging and helping them with what personal decision they think is correct, trying to find that delicate balance between encouraging and pushing too hard. The question I am always asking myself is: Am I pushing too hard? At its best, getting kids to do things that are challenging for them will teach them grit and flexibility while also widening their world view — whether it’s participating in sports, trying out for a new class or engaging in a new social situation.  But at its worst, pushing children too far can cause them to retreat inward, become resentful or develop even greater anxiety and prolonged fear a
Read more

Unspoken Expectations!

  This year has been really hard on the whole family.  I have tried so hard to put everything out in the open so we as a family could start over.  I planned this family getaway so that we could reconnect and start healing.  I knew Al has been under a lot of stress lately, so I decided to surprise him by trying to involve him so that he felt important.  But for all my labor, all I got back from Al was mental shutdown and again being pushed away.  I was disappointed and hurt.  I Looked up the word "expectation" in a dictionary and I find two definitions. The first is about expectations that signify my belief about what someone should do. I expect my children to clean their rooms once a week and not hit each other. I expect my partner to be reliable—pay the electric bill when he says he will—to be honest and faithful. In real life, such expectations are like ground rules that create the foundation for a relationship and are usually openly talked about. But the other definition
Read more